My Immortal with Commentary by torim
by tori.m
Summary: Warning: May cause blindness, decreasing of IQ, death, or death-like symptoms... This is my commentary of the infamous My Immortal by that Tara chick... Last name? Rated M for "language" and stuff
1. Chapter 1 through 4

**Chapter 1 of My Immortal with Commentary by tori.m**

**AN/ Alright, I'm going to attempt to read and comment on this. Wish me luck!**

**Everything in bold= my comments**

Everything in not-bold= our murderer of Harry Potter's comments

…

AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik)** How exactly does that make you "goffick"?** 2 my gf (ew not in that way) **Wow, way to completely insult tons of people** raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. **Apparently not really helping you with anything** U rok! Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! **This confuses me, the love of her depressing life… and then it ends in an exclamation point?** MCR ROX! **MCR is an acronym for My Chemical Romance, apparently everyone who's "goffick" knows that.**

Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way **Seriously? Three middle names? That's going a bit overboard** and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name) **You had long ebony, black hair (she doesn't realize that ebony MEANS black does she?). **

with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid **At least she used it right** tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!)** Yes, because nothing makes you more "goffick" than being completely self centered and thinking that you look like a celebrity**. I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie. **Oh yes, because incest is so very hot. Is that how it works in her family? Because that would explain a lot.**

I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. **Ah, so you're one of THOSE vampires.** I have pale white skin.** As opposed to what? Dark white skin?** I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England **Scotland sweetie, Scotland.** where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen). I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell)** I'm confused, I thought you were "goffick"** and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. **Muggle store? **

For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. **I really couldn't care less…** I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining** Wait, snowing AND raining?** so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. **From what I can tell, there's only 3 types of people according to Tara. Preps, posers, and "gofficks"** I put up my middle finger at them.** What a charming young lady you are.**

"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Draco Malfoy! **Unneeded…. Suspense! Wow, such a surprise. A person from your school says "hi". And Draco doesn't associate himself with lesser people.**

"What's up Draco?" I asked.

"Nothing." he said shyly.** WTF! DRACO? SHYLY? Dear god. This is going to be a terrible experience isn't it?**

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away. **You have friends?**

…

**There was chapter 1, dear God in heaven. Please smite this girl, and smite her good (oops, sorry. I guess Tara's rubbing off on me). Next chapter, here I go….**

…

**Chapter 2 of the terrible My Immortal**

**AN/ According to Tara, I am a prep because I do not like her grammar. Although I like Evanescence, Good Charlotte, and lots of the other bands she mentions… Oh well… Onward bound**

…**..**

AN: IS it good? PLZ tell me fangz! **No, actually it's terrible…**

Chapter 2.

AN: Fangz 2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da chapta! **Did "bloodytearz666" actually help you? With things like grammar and spelling? No, I didn't think so.** BTW preps stop flaming ma story ok!** Sweetie, it's not ONLY preps that are flaming your story. It's just that this story is terrible!**

The next day I woke up in my bedroom. **As opposed to where exactly? A horse stable? A brothel?**

It was snowing and raining again.** Hoorah! My favorite kind of weather.** I opened the door of my coffin and drank some blood from a bottle I had. **She just happens to have a bottle of blood? Where is this blood coming from exactly? Someone should tell the professors about this…**

My coffin was black ebony and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends. **Alright, that sounds uncomfortable. Isn't satin usually used? And for a "goffick" person, she certainly surrounds herself with lots of pink… **I got out of my coffin and took of my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. **I don't really care…** I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun. **Again, not caring…**

My friend, Willow (AN: Raven dis is u!)**I don't believe there's such a person as Raven…** woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes. **Ok, so your friend grins at you, flips her hair, and THEN she opens her eyes?** She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.) **I don't care!**

"OMFG, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she said excitedly. **Did she actually say "Oh my fucking god"? or Oh em eff gee?**

"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing. **Ooooooohh, a blush! That means she likes him!**

"Do you like Draco?" she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall.

"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted.** Jeez, she's just asking a question. What a lovely ray of sunshine you are!**

"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me.

"Hi." he said.

"Hi." I replied flirtily. **That's not a word… And didn't she just yell at her friend that she DIDN'T like him?**

"Guess what." he said.

"What?" I asked.

"Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade." he told me. **That's a muggle band, Draco wouldn't even know about them! He's a total pureblood supremacist.**

"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR. **Yes, you've mention that MCR are your favorite band. Now shut up about it.**

"Well…. do you want to go with me?" he asked. **Completely OOC**

I gasped. **Sweetie, he just asked you to a concert. He didn't propose to you, get over yourself**

…**.**

**AN/ This is the worst story I've ever read… Dear god, onward. Chapter 3 ho!**

…**..**

**Chapter 3 of the worst story ever…**

…

Chapter 3.

AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY PREPZ OK!**!** odderwize fangs 2 da goffik ppl 4 da good reveiws!** Wait she actually had good reviews?**

FANGS AGEN RAVEN! **I don't believe Raven actually exists**

oh yeah, BTW I don't own dis or da lyrics 4 Good Chralotte. **Really? You don't own this fanfiction? Who's the poor person who does?**

On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with high heels. **They were high-heeled boots or did you have on boots and heels? **Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. Then I put on a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff on the back and front.** "Corset stuff"?** I put on matching fishnet on my arms. I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky.** Contradictory much?**

I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists. **You are SO rebellious!**

I read a depressing book **Because that's what I do when I'm depressed…** while I waited for it to stop bleeding **Waited for what to stop bleeding exactly? Your book?** and I listened to some GC. I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner. **Why?** Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn't put on foundation because I was pale anyway. **That didn't stop you the last two times you put on foundation…**

I drank some human blood so I was ready to go to the concert. **NEVER go out without drinking a large amount of blood kids… **

I went outside. Draco was waiting there in front of his flying car. ***gigglesnort* I'm picturing Draco with black hair leaning against a muscle car…. That's levitating the ground…. LOL **

He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they would play at the show too) **Again, completely OOC. DRACO DOESN'T LISTEN TO MUGGLE BANDS DAMMIT!**, baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!). **I'm sure "kewl boiz" wear eyeliner… It's just your grammar that's strange… I'm perfectly fine with boys wearing eyeliner.**

"Hi Draco!" I said in a depressed voice.** So completely contradictory! I'm going to say something in a depressed tone but use an exclamation point! I pictured her skipping over to him… all depressed of course**

"Hi Ebony." he said back. We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz (the license plate said 666) **Trying a bit too hard are we? **and flew to the place with the concert.

On the way we listened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson. **Together? At the same time? **We both smoked cigarettes and drugs. **Oh my god. Such rebellion!** When we got there, we both hopped out of the car.** WHY? I'm sure they hopped out in a very depressed fashion… Right…**

We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte.

"You come in cold, you're covered in blood  
They're all so happy you've arrived  
The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom  
She sets you free into this life." sang Joel (I don't own da lyrics 2 dat song). **Really? I though Joel sang your lyrics just for the kicks of it…**

"Joel is so fucking hot." I said to Draco, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice. **You are an idiot. You don't make comments like that when on a date… Stupid emo girl**

Suddenly Draco looked sad. **Hmmm, wonder why**

"What's wrong?" I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on. **Such a bright child…**

"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" I said.

"Really?" asked Draco sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective. **Sensitive AND protective? Does she even KNOW the differences between these adjectives? Poor Draco, see what she's done with you?**

"Really." I said. "Besides I don't even know Joel and he's going out with Hilary fucking Duff. I fucking hate that little bitch." I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face. **Wait. Her FACE is blonde? I thought it was her hair that was blonde. And Hilary Duff was ok looking until drugs and stuff… P.S. You don't know Hilary Duff either sweetie.**

The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Draco. After the concert, we drank some beer and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them. **Like creepy preppy fangirls? **We got GC concert tees. Draco and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz **Because walking back to a car is SO preppy and poser**, but Draco didn't go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into… the Forbidden Forest! **Unneeded… suspense!**

**AN/ Dear god, that's another chapter… One more to go…. Chapter 4, here I go…. :P**

…

**Chapter 4 of this terrible story…**

…**..**

AN: I sed stup flaming ok ebony's name is ENOBY nut mary su OK! **Stup, nut, su, sed… I'm sure all of those are words…. ****Since when is the character's name Enoby? I'm beginning to wonder if Tara is dyslexic….**

DRACO IS SOO IN LUV wif her dat he is acting defrent! **Nope. That's just stupid. He's completely OOC** dey nu eechodder b4 ok! **For what? The last 3 chapters?**

…..

"DRACO!" I shouted. "What the fuck do you think you are doing?" **Jeez, he's taking you to the Forbidden Forest… Chill**

Draco didn't answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it. **Did this walking out of the FLYING car involve parachutes?** I walked out of it too, curiously. **She walked CURIOUSLY? (With her parachute of course)**

"What the fucking hell?" I asked angrily. **Jeezz, calm down Godzilla**

"Ebony?" he asked.

"What?" I snapped. **This guy likes you, calm down!**

Draco leaned in extra-close and I looked into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing color contacts) which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness and then suddenly I didn't feel mad anymore. **Because you saw "depressing sorrow" and evilness. Tara doesn't know what adjectives mean…. Depression=sorrow**

**Girl: Hey mom and dad! Here's my boyfriend. He's evil and shows depressing sorrow in his eyes!**

**Mom and Dad: Get out of here you creepy rapist!**

And then… suddenly just as I Draco kissed me passionately **Unneeded…suspense **. Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. **Keenly= smartly… They made out smartly against a tree?**

He took of my top and I took of **(off)** his clothes. I even took of my bra.** You rebel! **Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time. ***gigglesnort* That sounds like the way a second grader would describe it!**

"Oh! Oh! Oh! " I screamed. **She's so faking it…** I was beginning to get an orgasm. **It sounds like she's buying it at walmart!** We started to kiss everywhere **As in everywhere in the forest? Or on each other's bodies?** and my pale body became all warm. And then….

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!" **Ooooh, I wonder who yelled this…**

It was….Dumbledore! **WHAT? WTF? Although I would laugh so fucking hard if I heard Dumbledore yell this in the movies… Did anybody else see Richard Harris yell this in their minds? LOL**


	2. Chapter 5

Chapter 5.

AN: STOP flaming! if u flam it menz ur a prep or a posr! Da only reson Dumbledeor swor is coz he had a hedache ok an on tup of dat he wuz mad at dem 4 having sexx! PS im nut updating umtil I get five good revoiws!

**Alright, first up is the fact that they're not flaming sweetie, they're telling the truth. Second, Dumbledore didn't swear because he had a headache, he swore because he's insanely OOC. Thirdly, YAY! No more updating!**

Dumbledore made and Draco and I follow him. He kept shouting at us angrily.

"You ludacris fools!" he shouted. **Really? He shouted? After you said that he was shouting angrily? Wow.**

I started to cry tears of blood down my pallid face. **You should get that checked out, it doesn't seem healthy.**

Draco comforted me. When we went back to the castle Dumbledore took us to Professor Snape and Professor McGonagall who were both looking very angry. **Savor this moment dear readers, this will be the last time she'll spell their names right. Wait, why is McGonagall there? Aren't both Ebony and Draco in Slytherin?**

"They were having sexual intercourse in the Forbidden Forest!" he yelled in a furious voice. **And she's able to spell "sexual intercourse" correctly but she can't spell "until" or "headache"?**

"Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?" asked Professor McGonagall. **I love Tara's insults. Number one: Mediocre Dunce. Why do I have the feeling Tara has been called something similar by her English teacher?**

"How dare you?" demanded Professor Snape.

And then Draco shrieked. "BECAUSE I LOVE HER!"

Everyone was quiet. Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall still looked mad but Professor Snape said. "Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms."

**Dear readers, whenever in trouble use this excuse. True love will get you out of any predicament (according to dear Tara here)**

Draco and I went upstairs while the teachers glared at us.

"Are you okay, Ebony?" Draco asked me gently. **Shut up OOC Draco! Go back to Cannonville!**

"Yeah I guess." I lied. I went to the girl's dorm and brushed my teeth and my hair and changed into a low-cut black floor-length dress with red lace all around it and black high heels. **OMG! She like totes described my pyjamas! *Tori screams in a "preppy/poser" tone***

When I came out…. **I died and then all of the characters had to go back to the normal world that JK Rowling had created… Fin**

Draco was standing in front of the bathroom, **Damn**

and he started to sing 'I just wanna live' by Good Charlotte. **Ew. Why?**

I was so flattered, even though he wasn't supposed to be there. **Wait. Just give me one second. Draco was in the girls' chambers? I thought the stairs turned into a slide thing when guys went up them…. I'M SO CONFUSED!**

We hugged and kissed. After that, we said goodnight and he reluctantly went back into his room. **OH MY ROWLING! What am I going to do? I'm going to go insane! I still have almost 40 chapters left. Sigh.**

…**..**

**AN/ Bear with me for an extra second guys. Thanks for reading this chapter, I realized that I can only read one chapter of Tara's terrible plot at a time. Currently, I am on vacation in Georgia so I'm having a bit of trouble updating because WiFi in hotels is a pain in the ass to get onto with my computer. Please review! Maybe I'll upload a second chapter today, I'm in the car all day so I'll have time if I don't get carsick.**

**Love and kisses,**

**tori.m**


	3. Chapter 6

Chapter 6.

AN: shjt up prepz ok! PS I wnot update ubtil u give me goood revows! **I thought you weren't going to update until you got 5 good reviews, am I to believe that you got 5 good reviews? I'm sorely disappointed in our generation. **

The next day I woke up in my coffin. **Hey, that's where I always wake up too!**

I put on a black miniskirt that was all ripped around the end and a matching top with red skulls all over it and high heeled boots that were black. **Don't care. **I put on two pairs of skull earrings, and two crosses in my ears. **Don't crosses kill vampires?** I spray-painted my hair with purple. **Doesn't your hair already have purple streaks? And why spray-paint? Isn't that sticky? And paint?**

In the Great Hall, I ate some Count Chocula cereal with blood instead of milk** That's totes mcgoats what I had for breakfast! **,and a glass of red blood. **Because purple and green blood is totally for posers and preps!**

Suddenly someone bumped into me. All the blood spilled over my top.

"Bastard!" I shouted angrily. **Understandable, but I probably wouldn't be that rude…**

I regretted saying it when I looked up cause I was looking into the pale white face of a gothic boy with spiky black hair with red streaks in it. **You regret getting mad because the guy is pale and has black and red hair?**

He was wearing so much eyeliner that I was going down his face and he was wearing black lipstick. **Ew.**

He didn't have glasses anymore **Is there a prequel I should have read? Sh!T**

and now he was wearing red contact lenses just like Draco's **Prequel? Now?**

and there was no scar on his forhead anymore. **Oh Rowling, please no. Not him..**

He had a manly stubble on his chin. **Ew.**

He had a sexy English accent. **Because Hogwarts is near England, duh. Jeez Tara!** He looked exactly like Joel Madden. **Who? Oh him.**

He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection **Ew**

only I'm a girl so I didn't get one you sicko. **You said it, not me**

"I'm so sorry." he said in a shy voice.

"That's all right. What's your name?" I questioned.

"My name's Harry Potter, although most people call me Vampire these days." he grumbled. **Nooooo! Harry! Please! Go back to Cannonville!**

"Why?" I exclaimed.

"Because I love the taste of human blood." he giggled. **I totes mcgoats pictured Daniel Radcliffe jumping up and down and giggling like a pre-teen who had just seen Justin Beiber (Bieber? I don't care)**

"Well, I am a vampire." I confessed.

"Really?" he whimpered. **Bipolar much? Giggling and then whimpering? I'm confuzzled**

"Yeah." I roared. **Okay, Ebony/Enony/Enoby Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way is definitely bipolar**

We sat down to talk for a while. Then Draco came up behind me and told me he had a surprise for me so I went away with him…**….and then he pulled out his wand and yelled**

"**Avada Kedavra!" and I died, and then everyone had to go back to Cannonville (especially poor Draco and Harry). Fin**

…**.**

**AN/ Well, I wish it ended there. I'm just hoping this commentary thing gets easier, but as I read other's commentary it just gets harder and the chapters get worse. Oh dear Rowling…**

**P.S. My religion is SnowDayHarryPotterism, I am a SnowDayHarryPotterist. My god is JK Rowling and her prophet is Harry Potter**

**P.P.S Reviews? I love them. I eat them up like Marshmallow Chicks and Chocolate dipped bacon (it's actually deelish!)Kthnx. BYE!**


	4. Chapter 7

Chapter 7. Bring me 2 life

AN: wel ok u guyz im only writting dis cuz I got 5 god reviuws. **What? **n BTW I wont rite da nxt chapter til I git TIN god vons! **God vons? I want those! (and who can't spell "ten"?)** STO FLAMING OR ILL REPORT U! Evony isn't a Marie Sue ok she isn't perfect SHES A SATANITS! **I don't think that means what you think it does.** n she has problemz shes depressed 4 godz sake! **Seems preeetty Mary Sueish.**

Draco and I held our pale white hands with black nail polish **As in you had like hand models that you were prancing about with?**

as we went upstairs. I was wearing red Satanist sings **Rings? Things?**

on my nails in red nail polish (AN: c doez dat sound lik a Maru Sue 2 u?) **It doesn't matter what she wears sweetie, she's still Mary Sueish**.

I waved to Vampire. Dark misery was in his depressed eyes. **Misery=depression. WTF is going on here? Does Tara not know that one adjective usually suffices?**

I guess he was jealous of me that I was going out with Draco. **Narcissistic much?**

Anyway, I went upstairs excitedly with Draco.

We went into his room and locked the door. Then…** Draco pulled out his wand and shouted "Avada Kedavra!" and I died. Fin (why does this never happen?)**

We started frenching passively **How? Was one of you asleep?**

and we took off each others clothes enthusiastically. **Weren't you just "frenching" passively?**

He felt me up before I took of my top. **Relevance?**

Then I took off my black leather bra **Sounds painful. **and he took off his pants.

We went on the bed and started making out naked and then he put his boy's thingy in mine and we HAD SEX. (c is dat stupid?) **Yes. Yes it is. My 10 year old brother could have described it better.**

"Oh Draco, Draco!" I screamed while getting an orgasm**… at Walmart in the aisle with all of the condoms and milk.**

when all of a sudden I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on Draco's arm. **Magic tattoos that suddenly appear are soo "goffick"**

It was a black heart with an arrow through it. On it in bloody gothic writing were the words… Vampire! **I'm pretty sure that's just one word..**

I was so angry.** I would be too.**  
"You bastard!" I shouted angrily, jumping out of the bed.  
"No! No! But you don't understand!" Draco pleaded. But I knew too much.** She knows too much Draco! Have Lucius kill her!**  
"No, you fucking idiot!" I shouted. "You probably have AIDs anyway!" **Which means you have it now too! Go die in the AIDs hole that I'm sure exists somewhere in the made up land you seem to think exists in OOCville**  
I put on my clothes all huffily and then stomped out.

Draco ran out even though he was naked.

He had a really big you-know-what but I was too mad to care. **Why'd you notice it then?**

I stomped out and did so until I was in Vampire's classroom where he was having a lesson with Professor Snape and some other people.

"VAMPIRE POTTER, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" I yelled.** I totes mcgoats want to just storm into school on Monday and shout this! I'd probably be expelled or put in inschool suspension but it'd be so worth it.**

**Me: Wait what?**

***muffled voice on phone***

**Me: I can't say that in front of possibly impressionable people? Fine.**

***muffled voice***

**Me: Alright *faces readers and reads off cue card* Do not do this. It will get you in trouble. In school suspension is not something to joke about. It is a successful method of controlling unruly children *gigglesnort mumbles* Yeah right.**

…

**AN/ I don't own this crap. Thank Rowling. Review!**


	5. Chapter 8

Chapter 8.

AN: stop flassing ok! if u do den u r a prep! **How exactly does one flass? Is it like flossing?**

Everyone in the class stared at me and then Draco came into the room even though he was naked and started begging me to take him back. **How was he not stopped as he ran through the halls naked?**

"Ebony, it's not what you think!" Draco screamed sadly. **Yes, yes it is. You should run away to the funny farm Ebony! Run! Run! Run like the wind Bullseye! See? I told you, going wacko, insane, cuckoo. Siiiiiggh.**

My friend B'loody Mary Smith smiled at me understatedly **That definitely doesn't mean what she thinks it means.**. She flipped her long waste-length gothic black hair and opened her crimson eyes like blood that she was wearing contact lenses on. **She flipped her hair and she smiled at you then she opened her eyes?** She had pale white skin that she was wearing white makeup on. **Insane confuzzlement, why would she put white makeup on if she already had white skin?**

Hermione was kidnapped when she was born. **I thought we were talking about B'loody Mary Smith, wait.. No.. Tara wouldn't. **Her real parents are vampires and one of them is a witch but Voldemort killed her mother and her father committed suicide because he was depressed about it. She still has nightmares about it and she is very haunted and depressed. It also turns out her real last name is Smith and not Granger. **She would. DAMN YOU TARA!** (Since she has converted to Satanism **Your religion doesn't influence your house! You mediocre dunce!** she is in Slytherin now not Griffindoor. )

"What is it that you desire, you ridiculous dimwit!" **Hooray! Number two: Ridiculous dimwit** Snape demeaned **demanded?** angrily in his cold voice but I ignored him.

"Vampire, I can't believe you cheated on me with Draco!" I shouted at him.** I didn't know you were dating Harry. I thought Draco cheated on you with Harry, so much confuzzlement**

Everyone gasped.

I don't know why Ebony was so mad at me. **When did we switch POVs?**

I had went out with Vampire (I'm bi and so is Ebony) **Wait, Tara is bi or Draco (or whomever's POV this is is bi?)**

for a while but then he broke my heart. He dumped me because he liked Britney, a stupid preppy fucker. **Because all girls named Britney are preppy**

We were just good friends now.

He had gone through horrible problems, and now he was gothic. (Haha, like I would hang out with a prep.) **I think I'm classified as a prep by Tara's standards. Fuck.**

"But I'm not going out with Draco anymore!" said Vampire.

"Yeah fucking right! Fuck off, you bastard!" I screamed. **POV change again?**

I ran out of the room and into the Forbidden Forest where I had lost my virility **Virility:**

**1. of, relating to, or having the characteristics of an adult male **

**2. (of a male) possessing high sexual drive and capacity for sexual intercourse. I'm glad to see Ebony has lost her virility **to Draco

and then I started to bust into tears. **Burst into tears. It's burst.**

…

**AN/ I won't make you read a long-ass Author's Note so here it goes:**

**Thanks**

**Review**

**Love**

**Kisses**

**-tori.m**

**The End!**


	6. Chapter 9

**AN/ So sorry that I haven't updated until now…. Ya'know, more than three months later than my last update. But I have a good excuse, I didn't want to. Just kidding, my computer was sick. Stupid Microsoft Office fucked up my computadora and now I'm finally able to write with my laptop. Sexah (as Tara would say). I have "Kiss" (the Glee version) stuck in my head… So.. We'll see how this turns out. Again: VERY VERY VERY VERY SORRY! But I have to hand it to Icantescape, this person just got me off my busy ass and got me writing again, so you have them to thank.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own this shit… Thank Rowling.**

…

Chapter 9.

AN: stop flaming ok! I dntn red all da boox! **Yeah, we can tell** dis is frum da movie ok so itz nut my folt if dumbeldor swers! **Sorry, but I don't remember Dumbledore swearing in the movie either. It's just you, you poor mistaken misguided soul. Plus, you're the one writing this story. Aren't you?**besuizds I SED HE HAD A HEDACHE! **Yeah, cuz I just start fucking swearing at goddamn every fucking one that fucking gets in MY way when I have a headache. Bitch…** and da reson snap dosent lik harry now is coz hes christian and vampire is a satanist! **Nooooooo….. Snape doesn't like Harry because Harry looks like his father and Snape was in love with Harry's mother. Not because of his religion. BTdubs, Satanism isn't really recognized as a religion is it? To Wikipedia!** MCR ROX! **That's the one thing I've actually agreed with, I have My Chemical Romance's Black Parade CD and it's fuckingfantabulous.**

I was so mad and sad. **AVPM reference much? Ron: "But I'm still mad and sad, where are you going?" Harry: "Hold on, HP's gonna take his own advice" ** I couldn't believe Draco for cheating on me **WTF?**. I began to cry against the tree where I did it with Draco. **Ebony/Enony/Enoby: Sob!**

**Tree: WTF, get off me you creepy emo girl!**

Then all of a suddenly,**.** an horrible man with red eyes and no nose and everything **I'm so impressed by her vocabulary, and yeah y'know like totally stuff **started flying towards me on a broomstick! He didn't have a nose (basically like Voldemort in the movie) **At least she spelled basically and Voldemort right** and he was wearing all black but it was obvious he wasn't gothic. **WHAT? Voldemort isn't obviously goth?** It was… Voldemort! **Holy SH!T! I deff didn't see that one coming, I about peed my f***ing pants**

"No!" I shouted in a scared voice **(Tori.m: my voice trembled. Y'know, in fear and stuff. But I was shouting. Loudly. Yeah.)** but then Voldemort shouted "Imperius!" and I couldn't run away. **Yup, that's what the imperius curse does. And the spell is Imperio, dipshit.**

"Crookshanks!" I shouted at him **I yelled that at my friend, but I was covering up a swear word ME: *drops something heavy on foot* CROOKSHANKS**. Voldemort fell of his broom and started to scream **I'd scream too if I had a cat thrown at me**. I felt bad for him even though I'm a sadist so I stopped. **Being a sadist means that you enjoy causing pain to others, why? Why are you such an idiot Tara?**

"Ebony." he yelled. "Thou must kill Vampire Potter!"** So Voldemort's been hanging out with Shakespeare? I didn't know he talked like that but you know, Tara's the expert. Obviously…**

I thought about Vampire and his sexah eyes and his gothic black hair and how his face looks just like Joel Madden.**So, from my viewpoint. Joel Madden isn't actually that attractive (sorry sweetie, you're just not) and also: Harry Potter looks absolutely nothing like Joel Madden.** I remembered that Draco had said I didn't understand, so I thought, what if Draco went out with Vampire before I went out with him and they broke up? **Noooooooooo…. That'd make more sense, so obviously it can't be true. Idiot.**

"No, Voldemort!" I shouted back. **There's an awful lot of shouting, you're in a forest. You don't need to shout to be heard.**

Voldemort gave me a gun."No! Please!" I begged. **Guns won't do anything against wizards and witches. And where the fuck is all the magic? Ebony/Enony etc. is fucking Imperio'd she can't resist. Why the fuck am I subjecting myself to this bullshit? Oh yeah, cuz I love my readers and I need to stop throwing myself a pity party and start fucking writing again…. Onwards!**

"Thou must!" he yelled. "If thou does not, then I shall kill thy beloved Draco!" **Why can't he just have her kill Draco too? Then this fucking tragedy of a story could end.**

"How did you know?" I asked in a surprised way. **Cuz he's Voldemort bitch, he just rolls like that. Now shut the fuck up, you're giving me angina. **

Voldemort got a dude-ur-so-retarded look on his face. **OMR, I hate when Voldemort gives me that look. That asshole.** "I hath telekinesis." **He can fucking move things with his mind, oh hellz yeah. You're in for it now bitch!**

he answered cruelly. "And if you doth not kill Vampire, then thou know what will happen to Draco!" he shouted. **Wait, what's gonna happen? Oh yeah, Draco will die. And why does Voldemort want Harry dead? Isn't this Tara's fucked up world? Does Voldemort hate Harry because Harry's a Satanist? **Then he flew away angrily on his broomstick. **Alternate:**

**Voldemort turned back around, "Wait, Mary Sue. You don't need to do that. I was just being a silly pants. Give me that gun back and I'll sell it in a pawn shop, then we can elope and live happily ever after. Because I love you, because everyone loves you because you're a (fucking) Mary Sue". So Voldemort took the gun and he skipped happily over to his broom with Ebony and they rode off into the sunset, never to be seen again. Ever, do you hear me? EVER!**

I was so scared and mad I didn't know what to do. **Two emotions at once? And neither of them are depression? You're improving Ebony!** Suddenly Draco came into the woods.** What is he doing in the woods? Draco: I have a sudden urge to go into the woods where I made out with Ebony and took her virtility.**

"Draco!" I said. "Hi!" **depressed, of course. She musn't be happy. Ever**

"Hi." he said back but his face was all sad. **Because he's goth. Yo.** He was wearing white foundation **Ew** and messy eyeliner kind of like a pentagram (geddit) **(No I don't, please explain)** between Joel Madden and Gerard Way. **Huh?**

"Are you okay?" I asked. **Caring?**

"No." he answered. **Duh. He's. Draco. Fucking. Malfoy. He's can't be happy in this story, he's fucking in a relationship with you bitch!**

"I'm sorry I got all mad at you but I thought you cheated on me." I expelled. **She was expelled? What? YAY! Oh, nvm. Explained. She meant explained. Fuck.**

"That's okay." he said all depressed **Depression hurts, Cymbalta can help.** and we went back into Hogwarts together making out.** Walking. And making out. WTF?**

…

**AN/ And there's the end of chapter 9 of the travesty we like to call "My Immortal". Poor Evanescence. What did they do to Tara to make her slander their name? Well, thanks for reading guys. And sorry about the long wait. Shame on me. But I'll make it up to you! Whomever reviews will get their username in the AN of the next chapter and their review responded to as well. Thanks guys. 3 you!**

**tori.m**


	7. Chapter 10

**AN/ Hey guyssssss, sooooooooooo. Working on this thing again. Yay (notice my sarcasm). :P meh, this is not entertaining me. Hope you guys like it.**

**Reviewer response:**

**anonymous review: "You made my day" Well, you made my day too by reviewing so quickly **

**yeah, and that's it, cool. Thanks…**

**Disclaimer: I don't own this shit. Thank Rowling.**

Chapter 10.

AN: stup it u gay fags **Wow, that's really offensive you homophobic fuckshit bitch** if u donot lik ma story den fukk off! **Oh god, I wish I could. But I love my readers too much** ps it turnz out b'loody mary **Who the fuck is Bloody Mary? *goes back* Oh yeah, it's Tara's fucked up version of Hermione Granger **isn't a muggle afert al **Lolz, afert all. I'm gonna start using that **n she n vampire r evil **Translation: vampire are evil **datz y dey movd houses ok! **No! That's not ok! Pupils can't move houses. That's why they have omniscient hat telling the poor little students where to reside.**

I was really scared about Vlodemort all day.**Oh yeah, me too. That Vlodemort (Voldemort's twin brother) scares the shit out of me too** I was even upset went to rehearsals with my gothic metal band **I was even upset went to rehearsals with my gothic metal band… wait what? Wtf is that supposed to mean? Because I was depressed I went to a band rehearsal or I went to rehearsal even though I was upset?** Bloody Gothic Rose 666. **OMG, ur so fucking goth** I am the lead singer of it and I play guitar **Wow, ur so talented. Mary Sue much?**. People say that we sound like a crossbetween GC, Slipknot and MCR. **Your voice sounds like a guy's voice? **The other people in the band are B'loody Mary **(Hermione)**, Vampire,**(HP)** Draco, Ron (although we call him Diabolo now**) Diabolo, I think she means Diablo (Spanish for devil)**. He has black hair now with blue streaks in it.)**Ew** and Hargrid** HAGRID? Please tell me she didn't mean Hagrid!**. Only today Draco and Vampire were depressed so they weren't coming **Aren't they always depressed? What's different today? **and we wrote songs instead. **Isn't that what normal bands do?** I knew Draco was probably slitting his wrists **That's what I do instead of going to band rehearsal** (he wouldn't die because he was a vampire too and the only way you can kill a vampire is with a c-r-o-s-s (there's no way I'm writing that)** Ahem, you just did. Like, while describing your band, you said "a cross between"** or a steak)**Yummmmmm, steak.****.** and Vampire was probably watching a depressing movie like The Corpse Bride.** Animated films depress me so much!** I put on a black leather shirt that showed off my boobs and tiny matching miniskirt that said Simple Plan on the butt. **Skank** You might think I'm a slut but I'm really not.** No you're not! You're a skanky slut, that's different**

We were singing a cover of 'Helena' and at the end of the song I suddenly bust into tears. **You can't "bust" into tears you idiot.**

"Ebony! Are you OK?" B'loody Mary asked in a concerted voice.**. Concerted? I don't think that's the word she was going for… concerned maybe?  
**  
"What the fuck do you think?" I asked angrily **She just wants to know if you're ok, jeez**. And then I said. "Well, Voldemort came and the fucking bastard told me to fucking kill Harry! But I don't want to kill him, because, he's really nice, even if he did go out with Draco.**.** But if I don't kill Harry, then Voldemort, will fucking kill Draco!" I burst into tears. **Tee hee, that's such a predicament…**

Suddenly Draco jumped out from behind a wall. **I picture Draco jumping out from behind this random wall in the middle of the room and waving his arms around like a crazy person… It's a funny image****  
**  
"Why didn't you fucking tell me!" he shouted. "How could you- you- you fucking poser muggle bitch!" (c is dat out of character?)** Yup, mhm, yes it is… Actually, now that you point it out… It's not really that out of character… except for the poser part.**

I started to cry and cry. Draco started to cry too all sensitive. Then he ran out crying. **Four "cry"s in three sentences, no. Bad Tara…**

We practiced for one more hour. **Because that's what normal people do after one of the band members run out crying after breaking up with another member of the band** Then suddenly Dumbeldore walked in angrily! **AH! Not agriliy!** His eyes were all fiery and I knew this time it wasn't cause he had a headache. **You just HAD to put that in there didn't you Tara?**

"What have you done!" **I dunno, why don't you tell us?** He started to cry wisely **Huh?**. (c dats basically nut swering and dis time he wuz relly upset n u wil c y) **Translation: See, that's basically not swearing. This time he [Dumbledore] was really upset and you will see why. Again: Huh?**"Ebony Draco has been found in his room. He committed suicide by slitting his wrists." **OMR! Cliffy, except for the fact I couldn't care less… But wait! ? ** "…I knew Draco was probably slitting his wrists (he wouldn't die because he was a vampire too…)"**But… I… What?... I thought…. Nevermind, I give up… S'laters**

…

**There you guys go, chapter 10. As promised. I'm gonna go to sleep now, it's 11 pm. I have no internet access and am not posting it when I finished (11 pm on Thursday, April 21, 2011) Love, kisses, muchos maletas… Can't remember what that means, oh well**

**-tori.m**


	8. Chapter 11

**AN/ Heyzzz y'all, what are you up to? I'm currently sitting in my house, watching Mythbusters with my ten year old brother… Ahhh, fun times, fun times. I wanna beret! Now to start with Tara's crap… Joy. Onward bound Smithers!**

**Disclaimer: Happily not owning My Immortal!**

Chapter 11.

AN: i sed stup flaming up prepz! **I love how she automatically assumes that people that hate her story are preps** c if dis chaptr is srupid!1111 **I'm just going to assume that the chapter will be stupid Tara, Because your writing sucks major assage.. That works right?****. **it delz wit rly sris issus! **Like cutting, depression, and terrible plot?**sp c 4 urself if itz ztupidbrw fangz 2 ma frend raven 4 hleping me! **Translation: Spelling see four yourself if it is a zebra stupid to borrow fangs two. I have a ma frend named raven that helps me (possibly with spelling) except not really because I suck at life… Yeah, that works.**

"NO!" I screamed.**What's she afraid of again? Meh, I suppose I have to go back and read…. Ooooooooohhh, her boyfriend committed suicide (but not really) because he's a vampire and can't die by slitting his wrists but he did.** I was horrorfied! **Horrorfied, I like that word** B'loody Mary **Pronounced: Buhloody Mary **tried to comfort me but I told her fuck off **OMR, ur such a great friend… bitch **and I ran to my room crying myself. **Lolz, she cried herself (to death?)** Dumbledore chased after me shouting but he had to stop when I went into my room cause he would look like a perv that way. **He would look like a perv if he went into your room… That I understand**

Anyway, I started crying tears of blood** Ahhh! I need a doctor, call me a doctor, doctor, doctor, to bring me baaaaack to life!** and then I slit both of my wrists. **That seems like a lot of blood for a vampire **They **(?)** got all over my clothes so I took them off **wait, did you take your blood, wrists, or your clothes off?** and jumped into the bath angrily ***hops into the bath angrily* Yeah, not possible. It makes me too happy** while I put on a Linkin Park song at full volume** I love Linkin Park!**.I grabbed a steak and almost stuck it into my heart to commit suicide **Yummm, steak. I'm going to a friend's house for dinner and they're vegetarians so no steak for me. I once had really good steak, it was like actually well done (not like burned, but well done). By the way, I actually like steak well done. But I hate it when they burn my damn steak. Anyhoo, crap. Sorry, tangents are so much better than this crap…**.I was so fucking depressed! **No dip!**I got out of the bathtub and put on a black low-cut dress with lace **How did you know what I wear to bed… but not really** all over it sandly.**Huh?** I put on black high heels with pink metal stuffon the ends and six pairs of skull earrings.**First, heels to bed? Second, SIX PAIRS OF EARRINGS?** I couldn't fucking believe it. **I can't either **Then I looked out the window and screamed… Snapwas spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me!** Creepy, but was he taping you getting dressed?** And Loopin was masticatingto it! **He was chewing to it? **They were sitting on their broomsticks. **So many inappropriate jokes, so little time.**

"EW, YOU FUCKING PERVS, STOP LOOKING AT ME NAKED!** But you just described (in great detail) what you were wearing…** ARE YOU PEDOS OR WHAT!" **Probably, but you're wearing clothes… idiot** I screamed putting on a black towel with a picture of Marilyn Mason on it. **Ew, he's kinda creepy isn't he? But she put clothes on…. ** Suddenly Vampire ran in.** Yet it's creepy if Dumbledore comes in? But anyone else can?**

"Abra Kedavra!" **Absolute favorite spell** he yelled at Snape and Loopin pointing his womb **Harry's pregnant? And a woman?**. I took my gun and shot Snape and Loopin a gazillion** So not a real number, plus; aren't they wizards?** times and they both started screaming and the camera broke.** K, so they're both dead and the camera's broken **Suddenly, Dumblydore ran in. **Thought, he'd be a perv if he came in…** "Ebony, it has been revealed that someone has - NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he shouted looking at Snape and Loopin and then he waved his wand and suddenly… **tori.m: "Wait, what were you going to say? Dumbledore?" wow, he's too overly upset by them being dead**

Hargrid ran outside on his broom **That sounds like Muggle Quidditch (which I play, hellz yeah), runnin' around (more like waddling) with a broom between your legs** and said **"**everyone we need to talk.**"**

"What do you know, Hargrid? You're just a little Hogwarts student!" **No… he's the keeper of keys and grounds in Hogwarts.**

"I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT…."Hargirid paused angrily. "BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!"** Ahhh! Like everyone else in this godforsaken story**

"This cannot be." Snap said in a crisp voice as blood dripped from his hand where Dumblydore's wand had shot him. **Didn't Mary Sue shoot him "a gazillion times"?** "There must be other factors." ***draws up factor tree* Nope**

"YOU DON'T HAVE ANY!" I yelled in madly. **Any what? And I told everyone that she's insane**

Loopin held up the camera triumelephantly. **Triumelephantly adverb: when an elephant is annoyingly triumphant **"The lens may be ruined but the tape is still there!" **Noooo! Cuz she shot it a gazillion times!**

I felt faint, more than I normally do **Ebony: Yeah, I always feel faint. Like always** like how it feels when you do not drink enough blood. **I just get really nauseous when I don't eat, I'd probably get nauseous if I drank blood too… Lesson: Don't use you, especially when it's to accuse someone of something completely absurd**

**Kid's essay: "… when you kill someone…"**

**Teacher: "I dunno who this is for, I've never killed anyone**

"Why are you doing this?" Loopin said angrily while he rubbed his dirty hands on his clook. **Dirty hands on his clook, yup. He was fixing his clock. That's what he was doing, DON'T CORRUPT MY INNOCENCE! **

And then I heard the words that I had heard before but not from him.**And the words were…** I did not know whether to feel shocked and happy or to bite him and drink his blood because I felt faint. **I'm always faced by that dilemma…**

"BECAUSE…BECAUSE…." **Because becaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaause, because of the wonderful things he does. We're off to see the Wizard, the wonderful Wizard of Oz!** Hargid said and he paused in the air dramitaclly, waving his wand in the air. Then swooped he in singing to the tune of a gothic version of a song by 50 Cent. **I dunno about you but I can't imagine that…**

"Because you're goffic?" **Were you actually able to get that?** Snap asked in a little afraid voice cause he was afraind it meant he was connected with Satan. **Satanism: worshiping of Satan OR profound wickedness… there's absolutely no way the poor groundskeeper is a Satanist**

"Because I LOVE HER!" **Wow, Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way is totally NOT a Mary Sue**

**Read this website: /Main/CommonMarySueTraits**

…**..**

**AN/ End of chapter 11, finally. But definitely check out that website, it's got some great explanation of traits of Mary Sues.**

**Hugs, kisses, and Red Vines to all of my supermegafoxyawesomehot readers!**

**Love,**

**tori.m**


	9. Chapter 12

**AN/ Hello my awesome readers, time to do a supermegafoxyawesomehot My Immortal Commentary reading. So people from Canada, Bahrain, Australia, the UK, Germany, Pakistan, Sweden, Poland, AND Norway are reading this (along with people from my home country the US), wow. That's AhMAZING! Reminds me how terrible writing can unite us all, done with my sappy little speech. I know I have something y'all would love to read, unless you're one of those horrible, nasty people that don't even read my chapter :P. I hope those people step on painful rocks while walking barefoot, but not too painful of rocks.**

**Disclaimer: Nope, don't own it. But I wish I could own Draco Malfoy in a tight tshirt and eyeliner, yummm…**

Chapter 12.

AN: stop f,aing ok hargrid is a pedo 2 a lot of ppl in amerikan skoolz r lik dat **Yes, there's so many pedophiles gameskeepers in America **I wunted 2 adres da ishu!** Of pedophile gameskeepers? The Association for the Recognition and Stopping of Pedophile Gameskeepers (ARSPG, mhm, yeah I've heard of them)** how du u no snap iant kristian** Because Kristianism isn't a religion** plus hargrid isn't really in luv wif ebony dat was sedric ok! **Then don't say Hagrid! Say Cedric, if Cedric is in love with your Mary Sue then say that Cedric is in love with her not the gameskeeper. Get your characters straight woman!**

I was about to slit my wrists again with the silver knife **Didn't she just get out of the hospital wing for slitting her wrists?** that Drago had given me in case anything happened to him. **YES! She's gonna kill herself! Oh, wait, there's like 30 more chapters left. Damn** He had told me to use it valiantly against an enemy but I knew that we must both go together.** Wow, an entire sentence that doesn't have spelling or grammatical errors. Thanks Raven, I hope you never get mad at Tara!**

"NO!" I THOUGHT IT WAS HAIRgrid** Hairgrid, as in Cedric or as in Hagrid?** but it was Vampire. **Yay, Harry, welcome back. **He started to scream. "OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!" **Which makes me wonder, did he actually say "Oh em eff gee" or "Oh my f***ing god"** and then….. his eyes rolled up! **Unneeded… pauses **You could only see his red whites. **As in the whites of his eyes had burst capillaries and they had turned red or his eyes were pink…**

I stopped. "How did u know?" **Is she really asking how he knew that his scar hurt? She must really be stupid**

"I saw it! And my scar turned back into the lightning bolt!" **Wait, he said he saw his scar hurt? How? Wait, wasn't his scar in a… oh no, right. Diablo (Diabolo/Ron) turned it into a pentagram (K…)**

"NO!" I ran up closer. "I thought you didn't have a scar anymore!" I shouted. **Obviously he does cuz Diabolo changed it into a pentagram**

"I do but Diabolochanged it into a pentagram **Why? **for me and I always cover it up with foundation."** But if it's a pentagram then wouldn't you be proud to show it?** he said back. "Anyway my scar hurt and it turned back into the lightning bolt! Save me! then I had a vision of what was happening to Draco….Volfemort has him bondage!" ** IN bondage? Yumm, Draco in bondage. Inappropriate thoughts! BTdubs, Volfemort sounds like a kickass dude**

Anyway I was in the school nurse's office now recovering from my slit wrists. **Again? Or has that not happened yet? **Snap and Loopin and HAHRID were there too. **Cool, the child pornographers and the groundskeeper that was actually killed by Voldemort in the fourth book, which Tara wouldn't know cuz she's an idiot. Wait, does HAHRID=Hagrid or HAHRID=Cedric?**They were going to St. Mango's** The only wizarding hospital for tropical fruits. Lolz,puns. **after they recovered cause they were pedofiles **Yeah, I remember that **and you can't have those fucking pervs teaching in a school with lots of hot gurlz. **Wow, none of you are self-centered at all are you? **Dumbledore had constipated the cideo camera **That sounds painful, oh she means confiscated. That's a lot differnet** they took of me naked.** BUT YOU WERE WEARING CLOTHES!** I put up my middle finger at them.** Fully acceptable seeing as you seem to think they took child pornography of you.**

Anyway Hargrid came into my hospital bed holding a bouquet of pink roses. **Ok, take notice of this right here "…came…to my hospital bed holding a bouquet of pink roses…" mkay, see that? Remember it ok?**

"Enoby I need to tell u somethnig." he said in a v.** Can't even write very, really?** serious voice, giving me the roses.** HE GAVE HER THE ROSES, JUST REMEMBER THAT!**

"Fuck off." I told him. "You know I fucking hate the color pink **But you're constantly wearing pink **anyway, and I don't like fucked up preps like you." **Didn't he save you from having porn taken of you then he sang a "gothic version of a 50 cent song"? Bitch…** I snapped. Hargrid had been mean to me before for being gottik. **Before he was gothic?**

"No Enoby." Hargrid says. "Those are not roses."** Yes they are, obviously. You just handed them to her…**

"What, are they goffs too you poser prep?" **Yes you idiot, they are goths too. *sighs in annoyance*** I asked cause I was angry that he had brought me pink roses. **Obviously they're not pink roses, they're "goffs" don't you remember?**

"I saved your life!" **He actually pretty much did…** He yelled angrily. "No you didn't**" (that's where the " belongs)** I replied." "You saved me from getting a Paris Hilton p- video made from your shower **His shower scene? I thought "Snap" and "Loopin" just taped you getting dressed **sceneand being vued **(viewed)** by Snap and Loopin** But they already viewed it, they're the ones who taped it…**." Who MASTABATED (c is dat speld rong)** yes, yes it is… you cotton-headed ninnymuggins**to it he added silently. **So in his head then? You can't add silently, I… ah.. whatever**

"Whatever!" I yelled angirly. **Angirly, adverb: Being angry while having large amounts of estrogen in your body from your female organs**

He pointed his wand at the pink roses. "These aren't roses."** Ok…** He suddenly looked at them with an evil look in his eye and muttered Well If you wanted Honesty that's all you haD TO SAY! .**Isn't that a MCR song?**

"That's not a spell that's an MCR song." I corrected him wisely. **Good girl, she's so smart**

"I know, I was just warming up my vocal cordes."** Yeah, I randomly say MCR lyrics to warm up MY vocal chords** Then he screamed. "Petulus merengo mi kremicli romacio (4 all u cool goffic mcr fans out, there, that is a tribute! specially for raven I love you girl!)imo noto okayo!"** My chemical romance, I'm not okay (wtf is petulus merengo?)** And then the roses turned into a huge black flame floating in the middle of the air. And it was black. **No really… **Now I knew he wasn't a prep** Because he turned something pink into something black he's deff goff…..**

"OK I believe you now wtf is Drako?" **I don't know, what the eff is Drako. Draco is a death eater though…**

Hairgrid rolled his eyes. I looked into the balls of flame but I could c nothing.** Wait his eyes are now balls of flame?**

"U c, Enobby," Dumblydore said, watching the two of us watching the flame. "2 c wht iz n da flmes(HAHA U REVIEWRS FLAMES GEDDIT) **Hardly ever, but I can see your point. But it's stupid, wow flames wow, automatically "Woah, it's flames. LOLz" **u mst find urslf 1st, k?"

"I HAVE FOUND MYSELF OK YOU MEAN OLD MAN!"**That's kinda hilarious, just a little bit****. **Hargrid yelled. dUMBLydore lookd shockd.**dUMBLydore lolz** I guess he didn't have a headache or else he would have said something back. **Just have to keep bringing that up don't you?**

Hairgrid stormed off back into his bed. "U r a liar, prof dumbledoree!"** Can't even write professor really?**

Anyway when I got better I went upstairs and put on a black leather minidress that was all ripped on the ends with lace on it. There was some corset stuff on the front** Really? Corset stuff?**. Then I put on black fishnets and black high-heeled boots with pictures of Billie Joe Armstrong on them **Do those even exist?**. I put my hair all out around me so I looked like Samara from the Ring (if u don't know who she iz ur a prep so fuk off!)** Wow, so you look creepy and disturbing?** and I put on blood-red lipstick, black eyeliner and black lip gloss. **Why not just put on black lipstick and clear lip gloss**

"You look kawai, girl." **S'not even spelled write… **B'loody Mary said sadly.** "That's terrible, you look fantastic"** "Fangs (geddit) you do too." I said sadly too, **"Wow, look amazing too. That makes me feel really depressed"** but I was still upset. **You said it sadly but you were depressed afterwards too?** I slit both of my wrists feeling totally depressed and I sucked all the blood. **What in the name of Malfoy Manor did you do that for? You just got back from the hospital wing for slitting your wrists…. You idiot…** I cried again in my bathroom and put the shades on **You got ur shades on n ur hoodie, ur so gansta **so Snap and Loopin couldn't spy on me this time.** Oh, you meant window shades… right. **I went to some classes.** One of the only times in the story…** Vampire was in the Hair of Magical Magic Creatures.** Cosmetology for magical creatures, cool. It's the dead end job of the Magical world** He looked all depressed because Draco had disappeared and he had used to be in love with Draco. **Or he's just depressed all the time cuz he's in your completely mentally disabled story…** He was sucking some blood from a Hufflepuff. **Because that's what normal Hogwarts students do… Poor Hufflepuffs, they just want to FIND things**

"Hi." he said in a depressed way. "Hi back." I said in an wqually said way. **So you're both depressed. Whatever. ..**

We both looked at each other for some time Harry had beautiful red gothic eyes so much like Dracos. **It's not nature, and don't they have words written on their contacts? (like depression and evil or whatever?) **Then… we jumped on each other and started screwing each other. **See, see? Right here, she's actively participating…** "STOP IT NOW YOU HORNY SIMPLETONS!"**LOVE HER INSULTS! **shouted Professor McGoggle **Who?** who was watching us and so was everyone else.** Public sex, nothing better**

"Vampire you fucker!" I said slapping him. "Stop trying to screw me** it takes two to tango, bitch**. You know I loved **"Loved" **Draco!" I shouted and then I ran away angrily.

Just then he started to scream. "OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!" and then….. his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites. ** This totally happened at the beginning of the story, sigh….**

"NO!" I ran up closer.** Was it originally supposed to be at the end**

"I thought you didn't have a scar anymore!" I shouted. **Totally happened, still annoying…**

"I do but Diabolo changed it into a pentagram for me and I always cover it up with foundation." he said back. "Anyway my scar hurt and then I had a vision of what was happening to Draco….Volfemort has him bondage!" **Ah, yes. Bondage**

SPECIAL FANGZ 2 RAVEN MY GOFFIX BLOOD SISTA WTF UR SUPPOZD 2 RIT DIS!11111111** Yeah111111111111 Raven, write the damn story!**

HEY RAVEN DO U KNOW WHERE MY SWEATER I ….**S? And here we go, the ending of the grammar and somewhat corrected spelling…**

…

**AN/ Done.**

**Review and tell me what your favorite food is! Randomness!**

**Love, hugs, kisses**

**-tori.m 3**


	10. Chapter 13

**AN/ La la la la la la la, oh… Right, I'm not skipping through a field of poppies with the lion, the tin man, the scarecrow from my school's production of The Wiz (the dude that played the lion was fantabulous, the dude that played the tin man was annoying, and the guy that played the scarecrow annoyed me with his lack of ability to sing more than 2 octaves oh well, what could you ask for in a show? Talent? silly me) I'm doing this, reading and rereading Tara Gillespie's My Immortal (which by the way, totally ruins Evanescence for me. Listen to a few of their songs, they're fantastic but Tara hates them for some reason and decided to ruin their rep by writing this shit). Oh well, on to the disclaimer!**

**Disclaimer: I own this about as much as I own Alexander Ludwig's sexy-as-fuck abs… So not that much, although I wouldn't mind owning Alexander Ludwig's abs and his entire body… that'd be nice… siiiiigggghhhhhhh….. Hot. Onwards!**

Chapter 13.

AN: raven fangz 4 gelpin **Lolz, gelpin gelpin gelpin gelpin gelpin**me agen im sory ah tok ur postr of gerard but dat guy is such a fokin sexbom! **Yeah, I walk out of my friends' houses all the time with their posters **

**A note from my friend that's reading over my shoulder: tori.m actually walked out of my house with one of my shoes (just one, not a pair, just one shoe), a Canadian flag, and a star shaped candle so although she doesn't take posters she does take random objects from people's houses.**

**Back to me: Oh hush Emily!**

PREPZ STOP FLAMIGNG! **I'm FLAMIGNG! Lolz, how do you pronounce that? Flah-mig-ni-g**

Vampire and I ran up the stairs looking for Dumbledore. We were so scared. **Of what again? I got totally off track and totally forgot, oh wait. This is why re-reading the chapter before helps a lot, mkay RECAP: Volfemort (who sounds like a kickass dude) has Draco in bondage, whatever that means. I'm going to assume that means he has him tied up in kinky ways, yummm Draco tied up… Although I'm not into that kind of stuff, unless you are *suggestive eyebrow raised and suggestive wink* nevermind, pretend I never typed that…**

"Dumbledore Dumblydore!" we both yelled. Dumbledore came there.** Where exactly is "there"? And did he just like, apparate? Or what?** "What is it that you want now you despicable snobs?" **Tara insult #whatever Despicable Snob** he asked angrily.

"Volsemort has Draco!" we shouted at the same time.** Vol-sem-ort… lolz**

He laughed in an evil voice. **Laughter: now comes in an evil voice and in Mary Sue voice**

"No! Don't! We need to save Draco!" we begged. **No! Don't laugh, we must go save our poor OOC friend!**

"No." he said meanly. "I don't give a darn** Yet he's fine with calling people motherfuckers? Huh?** what Voldemort does to Draco. Not after how much he misbehaved in school especially with YOU Ebony." **I think Dumbledore's talking about them fucking against a tree and Ebony losing her "virtility" **he said while he frowned looking at me. "Besides I never liked him that much anyway." then he walked away. **What? The headmaster just kinda walks away even though a pupil whose parents are paying the school is missing and possibly "in bondage" he just walks away because he never liked the pupil? Dumbledore! Where have you gone and why the fuck did you leave this creep here? **

**Dumbledore: Oh hello there, how are you my dear child?**

**Tori.m: I'm so confused Albus Dumbledore!**

**Dumbledore: And why is that?**

**Tori.m: It's because I'm reading this terrible story written by Tara Gillesbie that completely ruins your rep as a good headmaster and a sane wizard, it's worse than Rita Skeeter**

**Dumbledore: That I doubt highly *reads "story"*. Oh galloping griffins! How could she do such a thing? It's a crime against humanity!**

**Tori.m: Yes, I know. Wanna go tell Voldemort that she said something about his nose?**

**Dumbledore: Won't he kill her?**

**Tori.m: *laughs evilly* Mayyyyyyyybe**

**That's the end of my little play/rant/insanity thing**

Vampire started crying. "My Draco!" he moaned. (AN: don't u fik gay guyz r lik so hot!) **No, not your gay guys, you write them really weirdly. Besides, I try not to find gay guys attractive, because I'm totally not their type…**

"Its okay!" I tried to tell him but that didn't stop him. **I imagine her kind of yelling at him "IT'S OK! JEEZ!"** He started to cry tears of blood. **Let's bring the poor Chosen One (whom you seem to have replaced, Tara, with your own Mary Sue) to the hospital wing to get the "tears of blood" thing checked out. **Then he had a brainstorm. **Reminds me of Sharkboy and Lavagirl when the little dude had a fight with the bully kid and the little dude's all like "Brainstorm" and the bully kid is like "Brainblast" or whatever** "I had an idea!" he exclaimed. **No dipshit**

"What?" I asked him.** Oh, you'll find out soon enough….**

**Harry Potter's Plan to get Hogwarts and the magical world back to normal:**

**Kill the Mary Sue to prevent her from causing more harm**

**Un-brainwash all pupils from their comatose/ "goff" state**

**Reclaim throne as "Chosen One"**

**Not have ever been gay with Draco Malfoy**

**Have scar changed back from stupid "pentagram" to normal lightning bolt**

**Use magic and wands because that's why everyone is living in a magical world**

**Have everything back to normal before the stupid author came and fucked everything up**

"You'll see." he said. He took out his wand and did a spell. Then… suddenly we were in Voldemprt's lair! **OMG NOT VOLD-EH-EM-PAH-ERT'S LAIR!**

We ran in with our wands out just as we heard a croon **Croon, verb:** **to sing or speak in a soft low tone**

voice say. "Allah Kedavra!" **All take out wands and praise Allah! Lolz**  
It was….. Voldemort! **What's Voldemort doing in Voldemprt's lair? Shame on him!**

…**.**

**AN/ Not my best commentary yet, but there wasn't much to work with and it's getting late.**

**Love you guys! Please, please, please, please review! I hate to work SO much to get everything out and then get 2 reviews, it makes me really sad So please review!**

**Kisses,**

**Tori.m**


	11. Chapter 14

Chapter 14 My Immortal

AN: fuk off PREPZ ok! **Do I have to remind you AGAIN that preps aren't the only people that don't like you?** Raven fangz 4 helpin agen.**Raven needs to start editing the author's notes** im sory ah kudnt update but I wuz derperessd** DERP!** n I had 2 go 2 da hospital kuz I slit muh rists.**. Maybe you should stop slitting your wrists then… Just a suggestion** PS im nut updating til u giv me 10 god revoiws!** Oh good!**

WARNING: SUM OF DIS CHAPTA IS XTREMLY SCRAY. **The entire story has been scary, with your lack of spelling, grammar, and simple knowledge of words that kindergarteners know how to spell…**VIOWER EXCRETION ADVISD.**. "Viower"? Viewer "excretion" (lolzzz) ADVISD (a medicine for the clinically depressed)**

We ran to where Volcemort was. **Lol, Volcemort** It turned out that Voldemort wasn't there.** Well obviously VOLDEMORT wouldn't be where VOLCEMORT would be… silly Tara** Instead the fat guy who killed Cedric was. **So Wormtail? Peter Pettigrew? **Draco was there crying tears of blood. **Yet again, go to the doctor's office for tears of blood!** Snaketail was torturing him. **Snaketail= Wormtail? **Vampire and I ran in front of Snaketail. **Vampire is Harry, right?**

"Rid my sight you despicable preps!"**Translation: "Make me blind you normal people!"**he shouted as we started shooting him with the gun** Wands?** he Then suddenly **He then suddenly.. lol** he looked at me and he fell down with a lovey-dovey look in his eyes. "EbonyIloveyouwiluhavesexwitme." he said. **MARRRRYYYYYYYYYYYYY ** (in dis he is sixteen yrs old so hes not a pedofile ok) **If Peter Pettigrew is sixteen then James is sixteen too, and Harry cannot exist**

"Huh?" I asked.  
"Enoby I love you will you have sex with me?" asked Snaketail. I started laughing crudely. **Crudely. Cruelly? ** "What the fuck? You torture my bf and then you expect me to fuck you? God, you are so fucked up you fucking bastard."** That actually makes sense, if someone tortured my boyfriend then I wouldn't like the torturer either** I said angrily. Then I stabbed him in the heart. Blood pored out of it like a fountain. **Ahhhh, poetry…. Sick, morbid poetry**

"Nooooooooooooo!" he screamed. He started screaming and running around. **Like a chicken with its head chopped off.. lol** Then he fell down and died. I brust into tears sadly. **Brust… lol**

"Snaketail what art thou doing?"**Oh yeah, I forgot Voldemort was from Shakespearean England** called Voldemort. Then… he started coming! **No. No.. Tori, don't go there! Mind. Out. Of. Gutter. Now. **We could hear his high heelsclacking to us. **Voldemort is a crossdresser?** So we got on our broomsticks and we flew to Hogwarts. **You heard his high heels and you left?** We went to my room. Vampire went away. **Bye Harry! **There I started crying. **Post traumatic stress disorder**

"What's wrong honey?" asked Draco taking off his clothes so we could screw. **Better than him taking out his "thingy" so they could "do it" But still, Draco isn't all about sex. At least, this one isn't. He should be all like, draping himself all over her… Sigh.. Something called consistency…. It's nice**He had a sex-pack (geddit cuz hes so sexah) **I don't know what "sexah" means** and a really huge you-know-what and everything. **What else is there?**

"Its so unfair!" I yielded. **YIELD!** "Why can't I just be ugly or plain like all da other girls and preps here except for B'loody Mary, because she's not ugly or anything."** Self-centered SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUEEEEE!**

"Why would you wanna be ugly? I don't like the preps anyway. They are such fucking sluts." answered Draco.** Yes, because only "preps" are sluts… Sigh**

"Yeah but everyone is in love with me! Like Snape and Loopin took a video of me naked. Hargrid says he's in love with me. Vampire likes me and now even Snaketail is in love with me! I just wanna be with you ok Draco! Why couldn't Satan have made me less beautiful?" I shouted angrily. (an" don't wory enoby isn't a snob or anyfing but a lot of ppl hav told her shes pretty) "Im good at too many things! WHY CAN'T I JUST BE NORMAL? IT'S A FUCKING CURSE!" I shouted and then I ran away.

**MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE. MARY SUE.**

…

**AN/ Yeah, so I don't own this. Annndddddd: Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way is in no way a Mary Sue *coughs right coughs***


	12. Chapter 15

**AN/ Welcome to whatever this is that I do with my time…. Sigh, and I thought I would change after getting a boyfriend. But I didn't, so you guys are here to listen/read more of my insanity! YAY! Read my "sexah" readers, read! See, this is why I took a break from writing. TARA IS GETTING TO ME! I'M GOING COMPLETELY INSANE INSTEAD OF JUST A LITTLE BIT INSANE!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own this, and neither does J.K. Rowling, this is all Tara**

**And a special thanks to: Everyone who reviewed and added me/the story to alerts and favorites. 3 you guys!**

Chapter 15.

AN: stup flaming ok! **Lolz, stup **btw u suk frum no on evry tim sum1 flams me im gona slit muh ristsz! "**Don't carve yourself, carve trees" –Michael Buckley from the whatthebuck show on Youtube **fangz 2 raven 4 hlpein!** He-lep-ein… Huh? Ooooooooooooh, she meant "helping"**

"Ebony Ebony!" shouted Draco sadly. "No, please, come back!" **No, let her go Gothic Draco. Like a fish, or a creepy gothic girl, you must let them go if you love them.**

But I was too mad. **Please, like you have any other emotions other than anger, sadness, and "goffick" happiness.**

"Whatever! Now u can go anh have sex with Vampire!" I shouted.** What, WHAT? What the hell is going on here? She just complained about being extremely Mary Sue-ish and Draco complemented her (or something like that) and now she's pissed? Let's read on, shall we?** I stormed into my room and closed my black door with my blood-red key. **It should be pink! Like your stupid coffin 'cos you're an effing vampire bitch! Jeez…** It had a picture of Marylin Manson on it. **They don't do that…. Where the hell has Tara been?** He looked so sexy in a way that reminded me of Draco and Vampire.** Marylin Manson does not look at all like Harry or Draco… Dear god Tara, what have you done to the characters in your completely messed up head?** I started to cry and weep.** I began to laugh and chuckle when I read this sentence… Idiot**I took a razor and started to slit my wrists.** Again? Why can't you find another hobby? Like knitting… But knowing Enoby, she'd probably start knitting a hot pink atrocity and call it "goffick"** I drank the blood all depressed. Then I looked at my black GC** (Good Charlotte, which is technically alternative rock…)** watch and noticed it was time to go to Biology class. **Awww, look at our little Ebony. She's growing up! And by growing up I mean… wait, why is she going to Biology class? There's no biology class in Hogwarts! Sigh, one of the first classes she goes to and it doesn't even exist.**

**~~~~~~~IF YOU DISLIKE CLOTHES DESCRIPTIONS DON'T READ THIS PART~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

I put on a short ripped black gothic dress that said Anarchy on the front in blood red letters and was all ripped and a spiky belt. Under that I put on ripped black fishnets and boots that said Joel all over them with blood red letters. I put my ebony black hair out.** Shut up. We don't care**

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~DONE~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

Anyway I went downstairs feeling all sad and depressed as usual.** Shut up, you're a depressing little creature.** I did sum advanced Biology work **I thought you were doing Biology, not math… Get it? Sum… Math… Never mind…**. I was turning a bloody pentagram into a black guitar.** Biology= study of life Bloody pentagram into black guitar=?** Suddenly the guitar turned to Draco! **Just.. you know, like that… Oh my god, she's so stupid *sighs***

"Enoby I love you!" he shouted sadly** She doesn't love you, she wants you to go be gay with your arch nemesis.** "I dnot care what those fucker preps and posers fink. Ur da most beautiful girl in the world. ** That's her problem! She's too beautiful! Because she's a fucking elf (Mary Sue) **Before I met you I used to want to commit suicide all the time.** Now I just want to commit suicide when I'm away from you when you're dressed like a slut at band practice" Draco yelled like a depressed child… No? Fine…**Now I just wanna fucking be with you. I fucking love you!." ** And then Ebony died and the spell over Hogwarts was gone and everyone was back to their normal "preppy" selves… Bitch…**Then…. he started to sing "Da Chronicles of Life and Death"** Da…. The?** (we considered it our song now cuz we fell in love when Joel was singing it) right in front of the entire class!** He's just a spell, he's not really there! **His singing voice was so amazing and gothic and sexxy like a cross between Gerard, Joel, Chester, Pierre and Marilyn Manson (AN: don't u fink dos guyz r so hot. if u dnot no who dey r get da fuk out od hr!** OK! BYE GUYS!**

***Talks to her boss* Never mind, I can't leave.**

"OMFG."** Oh em eff gee! Ebony squealed as she turned into Hillary Duff and hugged her goth boyfriend…** I said after he was finished. Some fucking preps stared at us but I just stuck up my middle fingers** Be nice to the preps Ebony!** (that were covered in black nail polish and were entwined with Draco's now) at them.** Speaking of black nail polish covered fingers… I have a story!**

**I was making mozzarella sticks for my dinner and I started reading the directions… It looked like Tara had written them! They were all like "b4 u put teh mozzarella stix in teh oven make sure all of 'em are frozen" and I was very confused because I normally expect directions to be in Standard American English but these weren't. Then I ran around the house screaming, "I don't want the grammatically incorrect cheese sticks!" Wait, you want to read the actual story? Fine…. Spoil sports…**

"I love you!" I said and then we started to kiss just like Hilary Duff (i fukin h8 dat bitch)** Then stop using her as a simile!**and CMM in a Cinderella Story. **Don't reference her if you don't like her! And wait… You're "goffick"and hate Hillary Duff but you'll watch A Cinderella Story****?** Then we went away holding hands. Loopin **(thought he went to Saint Mango's to become a better tropical fruit with Snap?) **shouted at us but he stopped cuz everyone was clapping by how sexy we looked 2gether. **…Even though Draco was a spell because I transfigured him from a black guitar to himself**Then I saw a poster saying that MCR would have a concert in Hogsmede right then.** I'm imagining the sign: MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE, They're goffick and we're assuming you are too! You should go! We'll peer pressure you to do drugs, drink alcohol, skip school, and cut! Fun times with MCR!** We looked at each other all shocked and then we went 2gether.

**Goffick Draco: Bye Loopin! We're going to go see a MCR concert now**

**Loopin: *sputtering***

**Enoby: *goffick giggling***

…**.**

**AN/ Well, that's enough of that… No more chapters this week, I'm too "My Immortal"ed out. Hey, so guys! I'm going to need a beta so I'm going to be scrounging around for one so you don't have to be annoyed by grammatical errors (that belong to me) in this or any of my other stories. Bye!**

**Thanks again to everyone who added my commentary to favorite/alerts!**

**Please review, I feel like a whore when I ask for reviews but please review!**

**Love,**

**tori.m**


	13. Chapter 16

**AN/ Hello loveys! How are my favorite people in the world? Have fun, read and REVIEW!**

**Disclaimer: Still don't own this complete crap! J.K. Rowling technically owns it… Ha ha.. Joke's on her.**

Chapter 16.

AN: u no wut! sut up ok! **No! You sut up! **proov 2 me ur nut prepz! **Well, I'm not a goth so by your standards I am a prep** raven u suk u fuken bich gimme bak mah fukijn swteet ur supsd 2 rit dis! **Yeah, give her back her "fukijn swteet" which I'm assuming is Tara's sweater… **Raven wtf u bich ur suposd to dodis! BTW fangz 2 britney5655 4 techin muh japnese! **Tara can barely speak English, how did britney5655 teach her another language?**

We ran happily to Hogsmede.** Because they saw the sign that told them to be in Hogsmead NOW or else they were preps ** There we saw the stage where GC had played.** I think they go to way too many Muggle bands' concerts.** We ran in happly.** Happily **MCR were there playing 'Helena'. I was so fucking happy! Gerard looked even sexier than he did in da pictures.** Haven't we gone over this?** Even Draco thought so, I could totally see him getting an erection** EW! Who does that on a date? I'm just gonna mosh but I'm also going to stare at my date's crotch, you awkward turtle** but it didn't matter cuz I knew know that we were da only true ones for eachother.** "Yeah, you're getting an erection. That's totally cool, cuz you're awesome and we're soul mates… Even though you're getting an erection for a MAN"**

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ CLOTHES DESCRIPTION~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

I was wearing a black leather minidress and black leather platinum boots with red ripped fishnets. Draco was wearing a black baggy MCR t-shirt and black baggy pants

Anyway, we stated moshing to Helena. We frenched.** While violently moshing…**We ran up 2 the front of the band to stage-dive.** YOU went on stage to stage dive?** Suddenly, Gerard pulled off his mask.** HOLY CRAP! THAT WAS UNEXPECTED** So did the others. We gasped. It wasn't them at all. It was.,….. Volsemort and da Death Dealers! **Volsemort? Not Volcemort or someone else? How disappointing…**

"Wtf Draco im not going to a concert wid u!" I shouted angrily.** Wait, what? I'm going to rewrite this, if you don't care then just skip to after the "~~~~"s**

**We started moshing to Helena, a song by My Chemical Romance. Draco hugged me to him and bent his head close to mine as we stopped moshing. He kissed me, the kissing became more passionate. Our tongues twined and fought for dominance, it felt like there was no one else around us. I felt like the happiest person in the world. Draco gently pulled me closer to him, stroking his hands up and down my arms. One of my hands tangled in his hair and the other pulled him closer by his shoulder. I became breathless and we broke apart, breathing heavily. His forehead rested against mine, his hands slid down to my back and my hands went to his shoulders,**

** "I love you." he whispered in my ear as the music stopped and people were clapping.**

** "I love you too." I sighed happily to him. **

**A loud bang sounded and I sat up in my bed in the dorms. I looked across the room at my friends who were laughing at me, "What?" I asked uncomfortably**

** "Oh nothing, you were just kissing your pillow and saying you love someone… Maybe a DRACO?" Hermione fell over laughing with Ginny.**

** "Shut up, I had a good dream about the concert tonight… Well not so good actually, I dreamed that Voldemort and some of his Death Eaters used a polyjuice potion to disguise themselves as My Chemical Romance." I said with a shiver**

** "Jeez, that's terrible. I hope that doesn't happen." Hermione said shivering as well.**

"Not after what happened to me last time** at the Good Charlotte concert!(**?**)** Even if its MCR n u no how much I lik them"

"What cause we…you know…" he gadgetted** Gadgetted, what the hell?Y'know, I just gadgetted a lot… lolzz** uncomfortbli cause guys don't like to talk a bout you-know-what. **You know what… I'm thinking about things that guys don't like to talk about. Clothes, shopping, underwear, commitment…. Draco doesn't like talking about Mudbloods so THAT'S IT! Draco is talking about Mudbloods, well he's gadgetting about them.**

"Yeah cause we you know!" I yielded in an angry voice.** I'm not sure about what's going on….** "We won't do that again." Draco promised. "This time, we're going with an ESCORT."** A prostitute! Well, a "classy" prostitute.**

"OMFG wtf/ Are you giving into the mainstream?"** I thought they were goth, not hipsters… Are they the same thing? Or have similarities? I'm not sure about these kinds of things** I asked. "So I guess ur a prep or a Christinaor what now?"** You're such a Christina! Wait, what the hell is a Christina? Like a Britney? That's so pedestrian! (Watch whatthebuck, you'll understand what I'm talking about.)**

"NO." he muttered loudly. **MUTTERING MUTTERING MUTTERING MUTTERING MUTTERING MUTTERING MUTTERING!**

"R u becoming a prep or what?" I shootd angrily.** Just because she offered to get you a prostitute? Jeez, what is this world coming to? A person offers you a prostitute and you get angry?**

"Enoby! I'm not! Pls come with me!" He fell down to his knees and started singing 'Da world is black' by GC to me.** Not another song!**

I was flattenedcause that's not even a single** I'm so flattened, it was like he ran over me with a steamroller, a steamroller of love!**, he had memorized da lyrks just 4 me!** "Lirks lirks lirks" Tori said while skipping around the house.**

"OK then I guess I will have to." **I'm just forced to go to a concert because you memorized one song for me…. Jeez** I said and then we frenched 4 a while and I went up 2 my room. **Dorm… You have a dorm. You live at Hogwarts, so you have a dorm. A dorm with Hermione and Ginny**

B'loody Mary was standing there** in your dorm**. "Hajimemashite gurl." she said happily **Actually, I don't so…** (she spex Japanese so do i. dat menz 'how do u do' in japanese)** And just because one person taught you how to say a few things doesn't mean you speak Japanese**. "BTW Willow that fucking poser got expuld. she failed al her klasses and she skepped math." (an: RAVEN U FUKIN SUK! FUK U!)**Awww, leave Raven alone! She makes your story somewhat (a little bit) legible! And there's no math class!**

"It serves that fuking bich right."** Be nice you "bich"!** I laughed angrily.

Well anyway we where felling all deprezzed.** Probably because you've been dissing your friend for the last sentence…** We wutsched some goffic movies like Das niteMARE b4 xmas.** That's not gothic… Bad goffick** "Maybe Willow will die too." I said.** Jeez! Be nice!**

"Kawai."** Cute?**

**Random chick: I wish she was dead**

**Other chick: Cute**

B'loody Mair shook her head enrgtically lethrigcly. **Energetically lethargically? Oxymoron…** "Oh yeah o have a confession after she got expuld I murdered her

"**Hey, I just murdered someone… For you"**

"**Awwwwwwwwwwwwww, for me? You're the best friend ever!"**

and den loopin did it with her cause he's a necphilak." **I love necrophiliacs, but what's a necphilak? A giraffe that likes people named Phil?**

"Kawai."** Cute!** I commnted happily . We talked to each other in silence for da rest uv da movie. **You know, conversing… silently….**

"OH HEY BTw, im going to a concert with drako tonight in Hogsmeade with mcr." I sed. " I need to wear like da hotset outfit EVA."** Prep *cough***

B'Loody Mairy Nodded ENREGeticALLlY. "Omfg totally lets go shopping" **OH EM EFF GEE! LIKE TOTALLY, LET'S GO SHOPPING! Preps *cough***

"In Hot Topic, right?" I asked, already getting out** OH EM EFF GEE! 10 FREAKING WORDS WITH CORRECT GRAMMAR AND PROPER SPELLING!** spshcial** fail… **Hot Topic Loiyalty **fail, again…** carde. **How do you freaking misspell card?**

"No." My head snaped up.

'WHAT?"** Yeah, my thoughts exactly..** my head spuin. I could not believe it. "B'Loody Mary are u a PREP?" **Maybe… **

"NOOOO!NOOOO!" She laughed. "I found some cool goffic stores near Hogwarts that's all." **Oh, phew!**

"Hu told u abut them"** What?** I askd sure it would be Drako or Diabolo or Vampire(don't even SAY that nam to me!) **You said it, not me**. Or me. **If you had told her then you would know why she wouldn't want to go to Hot Topic even though you have their special card(e)**

"Dumblydore."** Hi Dumblydore! I'm pretty sure Tara's just spelling his name wrong on purpose…** She sed. "Let me just call our broms." **You can't call a broom, unless you mean that you accio'ed them**

"OMFFG DUMBLYDORE?" I asked quietly. **Quietly with capital letters… ok, whatever keeps your flotation device buoyant**

"Yah I saw the map for Hogsmeade on his desk."** That makes sense…** She told me. "Come on let's go."

We were going in a few punkgoff **Lol, right… **stores SPECIALLY for the concerts in Hogsmeade. **They just sprouted up… With magic. Finally!** The salesperson was OMG HOTTER THAN GERARD EXCEPT NOT CAUSE THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE **HE WAS HOTTER THAN ALEXANDER LUDWIG BUT NOT! I love Alexander Ludwig, sighhhh** and he gave me a few dresses. "We only have these for da real goffs." **And I can tell that you are one because you just are….. like that… k**

"Da real goffs?" Me and B'Loody Mary asked.** Yeah, stop questioning the man!**

"Yah u wouldn't believe how many posers ther are in this town man!** Like totally dude, the waves are totally gnarly!** Yesterday loopin and snap tried to buy a goffic camera pouch." He shook his head. "I dint even no they had a camera." **I didn't know that there was such thing as a gothic camera pouch…**

"OMFG NO THEIR GONNA SPY ON ME AGAIN!" **Innocent until proven guilty! Besides, SELF CENTERED MUCH?**I cried, running out of the changing room wearing a long black dress with lots of red tulle coming out and very low-cut with a huge slit. **Lol, that sounds completely hilarious… And not goth at all. At the end of the chapter I will have links that may look like the dress…**

"Oh my satan you have to buy that outfit" The salesperson said.** Like totally**

"Yeah it looks totlly hot." said B'Loody Mary. **The ugly dress with red tulle….**

"You know what I am gona give it to you free cause u look really hot in that utfit. Hey are you gonna be at the concert tonight?" he asked.** That's nice…**

"Yeah I am actually." I looked back at him. "Hey BTW my name's ebondydark'ness dementia TARA **You showed her! Way to change a part of your Mary Sueish name… **way what's yours?"

"Tom Rid" **Voldemort? You're goth? **He said and ran a hand through his black-dyed hair. "maybe I'll see you there tonight."

"Yeah I don't think so cause I am going there with my bf drako you sick perv!" **Harmless flirting… Jeez, you Mary Sue it up and you just get all pissy..** I yelled angrily, but before he could beg me to go with him **MARY SUE MARY SUE MARY SUE MARY SUE! Self-centered Mary Sue**, Hargrid **Does she mean Cedric again?** flew in on his black broom looking worried. "OMFG EBONDY U NEED OT GET BACK INTO THE CASTLE NOW!" **OMFG! What happened? Oh wait, I don't care…**

…

**AN/ Still don't own any of this crap….. So thanks for reading, hope you found it hilarious!**

**REVIEW PLEASE!**

**Here's the links, combine them and you get the ugliest dress I've ever seen:**

**/Skirts/Tulle/RBP824260_Red_Black_Formal_Lined_**

**.**

**.com/products/images/1/Leg_Avenue_Slinky_High_Slit_Long_Dress_With_Rhinestone_Clips_**

**And thanks to my beta: SlightlyGayPirate, go read her stories, review, favorite her and her stories, and add alerts for her and her stories. I'm allowed to ask for whorey stuff like that for someone else, right? GO DO IT! And review please?**


	14. Chapter 17

Chapter 17.

AN: I sed stup flming da stryo! if ur a prep den dnot red it! u kin tel weder ur a prep or not by ma quiz itz on ma hompage. if ur not den u rok. if u r den FOOOOOK UFFFFFFFFFF! pz willo isn't rely a prep. Raven plz do dis il promis 2 giv u bak ur postr!

**AN: I said soup filming the gyro! If you're a prep wolf den polka dot color red it! Your family is a boot as shown by my mother quiz on my home. If you're not a wolf's den then you are a rock. If you are a wolf's den then FOOOOOOOOOOOOK UFFFFF (I think this is a Celtic ritual chant)! Pez, brillo cream isn't a prep. Raven, please do this. I'll promise I'll give you back your poster.**

Tom Riddle gave us some clothes n stuff 4 free.** He'll definitely keep his job that way!** He said he wud help us wif makeup if he wunted koz he was relly in2 fashin n stuff. (hes bisezual).**.So he's automatically into clothing and makeup because he's interested in guys? What? **Hargird kept shooting at us ** YES! Kill them dead! **to cum back 2 Hogwarts. "WTF Hargrid?" I shouted angrily. "Fuck off you fjucking bastard." Well anyway Willow came. Hargird went away angrily

"Hey bitch you look kawaii." she said.

"Yah but not as kawaii as you." I answered sadly cause Willow's really pretty and everything .**If someone's prettier than you then you must be sad, sorry that's just the way it is.** She was wearing a short black corset-thingy with blood red lace on it and a blak blood-red **two colours? It's black and red…. WHAAAAAAAAAAAT? **miniskirt,leather fish-nets and black poiny **PONY! I asked for a pony for Christmas again this year, I haven't gotten one. I assumed that if I asked for one every year since I was 5, I'd get one but noooo. The pony goes to the little boy. Fuck society… **boots that showed off how pale she wuz. She had a really nice body wif big bobs** Nice…. Hairs…?** and everything. She was thin enouff 2 be anorexic.** Everyone's dream… To be… Anorexic.. and to cut oneself. Regular ray of sunshine, this one.**

"So r u going 2 da concert wif Draco?" she asked.

"Yah." I said happily.

"I'm gong with Diabolo." she anserred happily. Well anyway Draco and Diabolo came**… to a concert they were going to… So they kind of had to go… Whatever…**. They were both loking extremely hot and sexy and u could tell they thoufht we were ot** OT OT OT OTOTOTOTOTOTOTOTOTOT** 2. Diabolo was wearing a black t-shirt that said '666' on it.** Original**He was wearing tons off makeup jus like Marylin Manson. **Who actually seems quite a bit normal and rather nice… **Draco was wearing black leather pants, a gothic black GC t-shirt and black Vans he got from da Warped tower.**.You know, there's other places other than Hot Topic to get horribly scary clothing. GOD! You don't understand me!** B'loody Mart** For all your blood based needs** was going 2 da concert wif Dracola** Dracola, the soda made just for you! A fucking awesome vampire bitch!**.Dracola used to be called Navel** Lolz, Navel…** but it tuned out dat he was kidnapped at birth and his real family were vampires. **Can you say IDENTITY CRISIS much? **They dyed in a car crash.** You know… Just your regular, run of the mill car crash. Officer: What did you say they were doing? Officer 2: They were dying their clothing, sir…** Navel converted to Satanism and he went goth. He was in Slitherin** YOU CAN'T FUCKING CHANGE HOUSES!** now. He was wearing a black Wurpedt-shirt, black jeans and shoes and black hair wif red streekz in it. We kall him Dracula now. Well anyway we al went 2 Draco's black Mercy-Bens (geddit cuz wer gpffik)**I don't understand you…** that his dad Lucian** Lucian… *adopts snooty tone* I believe you mean Lucius. And Lucius would never give his son a CAR, he had a pureblood supremacy viewpoint ONLY… *scoffs* ** gave him. We did pot, coke and crak. **Crack =coke? **Draco and I made out. We made fun of dose stupid fuking preps. **We're not that bad! (assuming the fact that, by preps she means "anyone other than 'goffs'"**We soon got there….I gapsed.

Gerard was da sexiest guy eva! **Hasn't this happened twice already?** He locked even sexier den he did in pix. He had long raven** Not EBONY black hair?** blakhair n piercing blue eyes. He wuz really skinny and he had n amazing ethnic **Oh, he sang songs in different languages or he literally changed race? **voice. We moshed 2 Helena and sum odder **that's not underlined… Odder reminds me of udder… Lolz, udders ….. Moving on… **songz. Sudenly Gerard polled of his mask. So did the other membez. I gasped. It wasn't Gerard at all! It was an ugly preppy **(YOU DARE CALL THE DARK LORD PREPPY?) **man wif no nose and red eyes... Every1 ran away but me and Draco. Draco and I came. It was….Vlodemort and da Death Deelers! **This has happened… And the Death Eaters change named every fucking time!**

"U moronic idiots!" **Redundant repetitiveness **he shooted angstily.** I think she mean angrily, but I like picturing Voldemort angsty…** "Enoby, I told u to kill Vampire. Thou have failed. And now….I shall kill thou and Draco!" **Voldemort is totes mcgoats from Elizabethan England**

"No no please!" We begged sadly but he took out his knife. **WOAH! A whole sentence that doesn't have red underlines!**

Sudenly a gothic old man flu** I imagine an old man puking while riding a broomstick…** in on his broomstick. He had lung** Lungs are the HOTTEST fashion this year. Wear them on your back, wear them in your hair, WEAR THEM WHILE PUKING ON A BROOMSTICK!** black hair and a looong **Many "o's" to indicate how long his beard was **black bread** Lolz, he has long "bread"**. He wus werring a blak robe dat sed 'avril lavigne'** Lolz, because Avril Lavigne is completely badass**on da back. He shotted a spel and Vlodemort ran away. It was…DUMBLYDORE!** I LITERALLY FELL OUT OF MY BED AND WAS LAUGHING ON THE FLOOR! (ILFOOMBAWLOTF)**

**AN/ Well, there's that….. Hope you had fun reading… this… love you guys and sorry for not uploading sooner. 3 Actually**


	15. Please read this & check out my profile

Hey guys, I know that this will probably disappoint you. An author's note instead of a chapter, but I will upload a chapter soon.

But first, I have something to say:

"I have a Crusade

Do you want to know what it is? To berate those who write My Immortal commentaries. I know what you may be thinking. "If you don't like it, don't read it." No. Just...no. This review is a wake up call to A)tell you this commentary is no different then any of the others about My Immortal B)challenge to create for yourself, instead of just tearing someone else's work down (in an unoriginal way, no less.) I am not so much defending this story as I realize its terrible, but why are you compounding the problem by recirculating it? If you think you're so fucking clever, then write your own characters and make them witty, instead of just spewing your own inane thoughts all over the already-pitiful My Immortal. Please, no more. Either write for yourself, or don't clog up the site."

This is a review from an anonymous person. First… I shall correct the incorrect grammar: A) tell you this commentary is no different **than** any of… blah blah blah.

Also: … I am not so much defending this story as I realize **it's (it's is a contraction between the words it and is, obviously.)**.

Now that I've corrected the grammar and spelling, I can talk about this. I am actually really hurt and angered (well, not so much angered as pissed off by) this review. This review genuinely offended me and I am so embarrassed for the person that wrote this, to not have the courage to even leave a NAME or username for me to contact you and make it so that I had to write an author's note. I genuinely hope that you're reading this, because then you'll realize how much this actually upset me. I found this **incredibly** rude that you didn't have the courage to private message me or to just keep your opinions to yourself.

I am aware of the fact that you find my comments on My Immortal "inane" and unoriginal but, to be completely honest, I really don't give a shit about what you think. I'm sorry, but that's my opinion.

First off, I know that I'm not being original about writing comments about My Immortal; but goddammit, I will if I want to. Second, I struggled with self-esteem issues for a LARGE amount of time and seeing this just brings those feelings back. I sincerely hope that you **will** have the courage to write back without an anonymous name because I truly wish to speak with you. I would like you to know that I'm writing this right after I read this thoughtless, rude note and so all of my feelings about this are fresh in my mind.

Answering your comment about not reading these if you don't want to… I'm not going to say it, although I believe if someone wishes to express their opinion then they are free to do so. This writer will not berate you for it; however, I will berate you for completely disregarding my feelings as a writer and as a person in general.

Now, I would like to speak about WHY I did this. It's not because I was copying someone, or because I don't have any original ideas as a writer. Frankly, I did this because I read some simply **amazing** and hilarious comments about this and I thought that it would be fun. And you know what, this is my most popular story currently. So, legitimately, without any hard feelings, fuck you and have a great life, just away from my writing or commenting because I don't want people like you **clogging** (as you so eloquently put it) up my inbox. So thanks but please go away.

To my other readers that actually enjoy my writing/ commenting/ whatever you wish to call this:

Thank you for sticking by me and reading me, I truly appreciate all the nice reviews and alerts and everything you guys do for me. Reviews like the one I just responded to actually make me appreciate my amazing readers even more. Thank you for everything you've done for me, if it wasn't for the writing/whatever that I do then I probably wouldn't be here. I know that I've probably offended some people in the past by making inappropriate jokes about sensitive matters and I would like to apologize for that, I tend to comment on My Immortal when I'm feeling rather cynical or judgmental and sometimes forget to censor what I say so I don't offend people.

I'm sorry you guys had to read this but I want everyone to realize, it's incredibly easy to be mean to people over the internet because you can't see them which is why cyberbullying is so easy. It's different from face to face because you can't see how much you hurt the person and it doesn't even seem that hard but I posted this because I want you to realize how much your words can hurt. You never know how much your words will affect someone because, over the internet, you don't always know the person or what they've been through.

I think that my reaction to this really could have been an insight into me because now you know more about me, if you've stuck around. Not that many people realize that writers on Fanfiction are people too and I know that I've probably forgotten that and said some possibly offensive things to writers in an abrasive manner. Thank you for everything that you do and, I know I'm going to sound like a kindergarten teacher when I say this, please use kind words on the internet and in real life, you never know how much words can do to push people to the tipping point.

Thanks for everything guys,

Love always,

Tori

By the way, feel free to check out (dot)org just take out the (dot) and replace it with a period.


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